Learn the Chinese word for mother-in-law

The shadow of a buzzard fleeting across the ground catches my attention. I raise my eyes and am greeted by the sporadic early blooms on the flowering cherry trees. Yes, it’s springtime, and the world has come alive again – a beautiful season to celebrate Mother’s Day. Our focus today, however, is on the mother-in-law and her relationship with the daughter-in-law, or 婆媳关系 (póxí guānxì).

婆婆是丈夫的母亲.
Pópo shì zhàngfū de mǔqīn.
Mother-in-law is the mother of one’s husband.

媳妇是儿子的妻子.
Xífù shì érzi de qīzi.
Daughter-in-law is the son’s wife.

Normally, the daughter-in-law addresses her mother-in-law as “Mom”, while the mother-in-law calls her daughter-in-law by her name or nickname.

Since ancient times, the Chinese daughter has been brought up to be obeisant to her parents, to her husband and to her parents-in-law. She is always in a subordinate position, until she becomes a mother-in-law. Finally, there is someone who must listen to her and do her biddings. Perhaps this explains why some women abuse this authority and take it out on their daughter-in-law, thus perpetuating the bad reputation for mothers-in-law. In modern days, the tension of who’s boss in the family and the daily friction from living under the same roof are relieved in many cases by the formation of nuclear families. In fact, many women nowadays are able to earn their own living and not be dependent on their husband’s family. Still, in an extended family, a mother-in-law must decide how to deal with her son’s wife. Who gets to do the household chores? Who makes the call on whether a grandchild has misbehaved? Whom should her son side with in case of a conflict?

Click on this link to watch a video on YouTube that portrays two contrasting kinds of mother-in-law. How is your listening comprehension of everyday Chinese conversations? I suggest that you first play the video at 0.75 speed, and pause it whenever you come across an unfamiliar term. After you’ve understood what takes place in this episode, watch it again at normal speed.

The following list of words and phrases may be of help.

The scene begins with a woman bringing her daughter-in-law along to visit her own younger sister. The woman’s daughter-in-law is named 婷婷 (tíng tíng). 逗逗 (Dòu Dòu) is the daughter-in-law of the younger sister.

好久不见.
Hǎojiǔ bùjiàn.
Haven’t seen you for a long time.
(Long time no see.)

姨 (yí) means aunt.

别客套 (Bié kètào.) and 不客气 (Bù kèqì.) both mean “You are welcome.”; in other words, “no need to be courteous”.

榨菜 (zhàcài) is pickled mustard, a lowly, commonplace dish. The older sister remarks sarcastically that 逗逗 made this treat especialy for the guests.

精心 (jīngxīn) means carefully or painstakingly.

准备 (zhǔnbèi) is to prepare.

The younger sister explains that she has prepared many dishes for the visitors. Because lately she has been having poor appeptite, 逗逗 made the pickled mustard to help whet her appetite.

特意 (tèyì) means specially.

夸 (kuā) is an abbreviation for 夸奖 (kuājiǎng), which means to praise.

手艺好 (shǒuyì hǎo) means good workmanship. In this case, it means being good at cooking.

露一手 (lòuyīshǒu) is to show off.

So, the older sister wonders why 逗逗 did not show off her culinary skills and cook the meal for them.

最近 (zuìjìn) means recently.

身体不舒服 (shēntǐ bú shūfú) means not feeling well.

The older sister scoffs that when they were young, they used to work in the field, unlike these fragile girls.

休息 (xiūxí) is to rest.

Upon her aunt’s prodding, 逗逗 goes to prepare a dish using the shrimp that her own mother has sent her.

The older sister lectures the younger sister not to spoil her daughter-in-law, now that they have transitioned from putting up with others as a daughter-in-law to being a mother-in-law. She demonstrates how to exercise the authority of an almighty mother-in-law.

惯 (guàn) is an abbreviation for 惯坏 (guàn huài) means to spoil or to be too generous to someone.

Now, shrimp and prawns retain their flavor, tenderness and juiciness when cooked in their shells. This is why 婷婷 offers to peel the shrimp for her mother-in-law. She is faulted for not offering to peel the shrimp for her aunt first.

The younger sister saves some shrimp for 逗逗, who has gone to another room to receive a phone call. The older sister remarks that it’s ridiculous to be so nice to one’s daughter-in-law.

是个笑话 (shìgè xiàohuà) or 可笑的 (kěxiào de) means ridiculous or laughable.

管不着 (guǎn bùzháo) means “not my business”.

保姆 (bǎomǔ) is a nanny.

丫鬟 (yāhuan) is a maid or servant girl.

十指不沾阳春水 (shízhǐ bù zhān yángchūn shuǐ) is an expression that describes how one’s ten fingers have never touched the spring water, referring to someone (such as a princess) who has never done any dishwashing.

公主 (gōngzhǔ) is a princess.

The younger sister remarks that only by keeping her daughter-in-law happy will they have a truly happy family.

亲家母 (qìngjiāmǔ) is how one would refer to one’s daughter-in-law’s own mother.

逗逗 says her mother called to ask if the shrimp tastes all right.

Have a Happy Mother’s Day!

母亲节快乐!
Mǔqīnjié kuàilè!

P.S. See Chapter 3 of “Learn Chinese through Songs and Rhymes” about how to refer to the various members of one’s extended family in Chinese.

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